4 Ways to Come Back to Yourself When You’ve Been Shrinking for Love

There’s a version of you that’s been playing small. She says “yes” when she wants to say “no.” She shrinks her needs to stay connected. She over-explains, over-gives, overthinks — hoping that maybe this time, she won’t be too much. I know her well. Because I was her, too. For so many of us, shrinking isn’t a conscious choice. It’s survival. It’s what we learned. We became small because someone once told us through words, actions, or silence that love must be earned through self-abandonment.

But what if the thing that made you feel “too much” is your superpower? What if love isn’t something you chase, beg for, or bargain with but something that meets you when you stop hiding? If that even half resonates, this blog post is your soft invitation to begin again.

If You’re Ready to Stop Shrinking, Start Here:

1. Notice Where You Abandon Yourself

Do you:

• Say “yes” just to avoid disappointing someone?

• Feel guilty for resting?

• Panic if you don’t reply fast enough?

These aren’t just habits — they’re signs your nervous system is wired to survive, not thrive. It’s not weakness. It’s protection.

But now you’re safe enough to choose differently. Try this: Pause before your next automatic “yes.” Ask yourself, Do I actually want this? Then respond.

2. Create One Tiny Boundary This Week

Boundaries don’t have to be loud or dramatic. They can be subtle and life-changing. Every time you honor your truth, you’re telling your body: I am allowed to choose myself.

• Say: “Let me think about it” instead of giving an immediate answer.

• Wait 10 minutes before replying to a message.

• Let someone be disappointed — and let that be okay.

3. Write to the Version of You Who Keeps Shrinking

She’s not weak. She’s scared. And she deserves compassion, not more criticism. Write her a letter. Tell her what you wish someone had told you at 16, or 22, or last week. Then reread it like a love letter. Because it is.

“You don’t have to work so hard to be loved.”
“You’re allowed to take up space.”
“Your needs are not a burden.”

4. Reclaim a Ritual That Makes You Feel Powerful

We heal in action. Pick one thing that brings you back to yourself. You don’t need a full morning routine. You need a moment that’s yours:

• A 10-minute walk without your phone

• Journaling with no filter

• Breathwork or stillness

• Movement that feels like devotion, not punishment

You’re Not Too Much. You’re Remembering Who You Are.

If you’re in that messy middle, the space between no longer abandoning yourself and not yet fully anchored in your worth, you’re not broken. You’re rebuilding. And you’re not alone. This is the work I guide women through. Not because we’re weak. But because we’ve been taught a warped version of love, and now, we’re rewriting the rules.

Save this blog post. Come back to it whenever you need a reminder of your strength. You are not alone and I’m wishing you deep, gentle healing every step of the way. 🤎